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introspectivity

by fuschia

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1.
happily sad 04:58
look at that sparrow outside the window i wonder where it hides its sorrow it looks perfectly happy as it flies from tree to tree ‘cause it doesn’t know about pity and it doesn’t know about you and me it doesn’t know about these thoughts unstucked it doesn’t know about this heart that never gets untied so it looks perfectly happy as it jumps from twig to twig ‘cause it doesn’t know what it is like to miss i wonder if a sparrow has ever loved if not it must be happily sad happy to be without and sad to be without maybe she’s satisfied to be without i should be happily sad too ‘cause i have tried to love happy, cause i have tried and sad, cause i have tried but the problem is that i’ll never be satisfied before my heart gets untied and tied somewhere else
2.
implicity 06:05
who was the slayer of my happy thoughts who was the slayer of my smile who was the slayer of my open heart - somehow i think i recognize the slayer’s style who was the slayer of the light in my eyes who was the slayer of my sleeps who is to blame for the restless nights who is to blame for my needs did you cause this pain or is it God that i should blame ? no... the slayer hides right here and he is the reason that i cannot see the slayer is .... me
3.
curl 07:14
you queen of my world words like “i do” i can only hurl away ‘cause i know i can’t stay if you knew just how much how much i miss just one touch just one kiss you would be glad i’m gone ‘cause i would only embarrass you with all the foolish things i do you still i can’t stop dreaming that someday we’ll end up screaming that we love eachother and the will of God won’t bother then we’ll touch then we’ll kiss but i know that this is way too far out ‘cause the will of God one cannot doubt but still .... if you the only girl who can ever curl around my heart i try to forget but the fact, that we’re forever apart makes me burst into tears i guess, all i want to do is make you see a friend in me
4.
occupation 03:08
smile again for me your lips are haunting me you bewitch me in devotion the gravity intensifies as i blur look again at me your eyes are emptying me you dry me out in submission the pressure abates i explode charm me again your warmth is delighting me you immerse me in bliss devoid of oxygene i suffocate approach me again your ardour is igniting me you shower me in fuel the flames caress as i scorch
5.
dual soul 06:30
and i’m standing still to converse with you my heart bursts open, my bleeding soul this schizophrenic dream of love my heart and my mind, your crying soul and i pour out my heart my hopes, my misses and you take my hand your kisses, your kisses paradise is open now i fly around your dreaming smile your deep green eyes are open now and i fall and drown in the abyss of your smile i swim and dive in love with you curl myself around your heart i kiss you you open your mouth to speak my mind i hope for something more than i find and you close your eyes you end your smile you turn around to run away i try to save you i tried to save you but fail hopelessly i have to stop throw away my crying heart i have to build an arctic world deep within my hoping heart dreamlessly i have to die burry my heart beneath my mind i have to forget you i have to forget you i have to forget you i have to forget you
6.
move alone 08:49
move back i’m not able to continue this screamingly, but i’m not yours i have to end all of this i have to leave you alone move aside i’m not able to control this hopingly, but i’m not your lover i have to end all this i have to leave you dead move away i’m not able to carry you dreadfully, but i’m not your saviour i have to push you over i have to hand you over move aloof i’m not able to help you terribly, but i’m not your man i belong to someone else i have to kneel and beg forgiveness i have to leave you cold push you away
7.
broken chair 05:00
this ain’t fair who kicked away my chair i fell right through apparently there’s nothing i can do down here with no one to pull me back up i can just as well give my life up though i’m on the floor people believe my pretends of sitting “who can ask for more” one day i guess i’ll do it without help i’ll get up by myself i’ll start to fix this broken chair i’ll pick up the pieces they are everywhere one day it will be durable as it was in the start this broken ....
8.
ambiguity 06:56
my abstract covet your presence unsophisticated joy immediate obligingness desire your smile alluring beauty seductive expression yearn for your heart mysterious figure indistinct depths long for your eyes spontaneous love substantial code my logic observe your presence sudden inconvenience abrupt intrusion note your smile inopportune distraction perilous impression recollect your heart average strangeness extraordinary generality notice your eyes dangerous impact pleasant conjuration
9.
her 06:07
you look so wonderful tonight i feel your body so close to mine you look right into my .... eyes i feel we swim away into the night i look into your .... eyes you touch my neck with a finger i look at my hand in your .... hair you whispered in my ear “i love you” you make me feel like a fire i feel my heart beat .... fast you take my hand very .... softly i kiss your finger you smile please God let me keep her i don’t want to lose you
10.
dream 03:03
i do not understand why this boy like me is wasting his time he’s blind and cannot see he is living his life on a bogus dream he is hoping and dreaming he has always been spending each night by praying to God or walking alone pretending she’s in the dark sitting with shining eyes believe in happy ending but i fear for the moment he realizes that it was just a dream
11.
dark streets 04:46
so now i feel it struggling so now i feel it fight so now i feel it eating me up so now i feel the night again i feel shadows haunting me through dead-end streets coloured grey and blue with misery with noises of melancholy hanging in the air the smell of pain just running through the streets with shadows again and again ‘cause i miss you like it’s driving me insane even when i’m with you shadows comes creeping in and whispers unconfidence in your name please let me hear you’re missing me let me taste you’re missing me i wanna smell that you love me ‘cause shadows whispers that you don’t do and you don’t care so i need you to wish that i am there to love you
12.
pain level 10:43
winter .... a dark and lonely night - i was walking - but we were together walking side by side i remember my heart as light as a feather though it was cold i never realised it ‘cause i had never been told and i had your warmth by my side i had closed my eyes ‘cause if i opened them i knew my dream would die you put your hand into mine - it was so warm and i wanted it to last to the end of time suddenly i opened my eyes and i saw a dark empty spot making fun of me, by my side i looked down, surprised ‘cause in my left hand i held the right one - another piece of my sanity was gone bitter tears ran down my cheek they washed away every snowflake .... when i recognized it was snowing i cried even more ‘cause so it had been fake before when i thought she touched my skin i cried all the way home and when i got inside - they saw my red eyes “anything wrong” they said i said “no it’s just the cold wind that makes my eyes red” this was last winter - another one is coming up maybe this winter’ll be lost into your heart

about

1st album by fuschia, re-created from original 8-track recordings

credits

released September 1, 1996

composed, performed, programmed, produced, engineered, mixed & designed by fuschia, except 'her' composed by daniel

original 8-track recordings restored by jesper pedersen
re-created from restored 8-track recordings by lukas ex

recorded 1995-1996, originally released 1996, re-created 2022

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silentbeing Denmark

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